Business in the front, party in the back.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Cooking with Britt - Coffee Cake Blueberry Muffins

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I needed a really, really, really good blueberry muffin recipe, having been exasperatingly furstrated with all of the flat, tasteless attempts at past recipes, so I turned to my favorite resource of all: FoodNetwork.com. Not only do they have recipes from people who are good enough to have their own television show, everything is rated by people like you and I so I know someone not only tried it successfully, but thought it was good enough to take the time to come back and let other people know. Best of all are the comments that people leave, especially the notes they make about the things they changed and suggestions for improvements, which I can absolutely appreciate.

So, here is the wildly successful recipe I found, with the a la Britt edits. Oh, and in case you wondered, hardly any of my recipes could be considered "light", this one included. Butter just makes baking better!!

Coffee Cake Blueberry Muffins

12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temp
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
8 ounces (about 1 cup) sour cream
1/4 cup milk
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 cups fresh or frozen blueberries (Prep by tossing with a few tablespoons flour. Trust me.)

Preheat the oven to 350. Place 14 paper liners in muffin pans. (I tried 13 once - it didn't work.)
Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs 1 at a time, then add the vanilla, sour cream, and milk.

In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add the flour mixture to batter and stir by hand until just incorporated. Don't overstir. This batter is thick and beaters steal half of it, so I used a spoon. Fold in the blueberries carefully at the very end.

Fill each muffin cup just over the top, (it's a thick batter, so pile it on!) and bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until the muffins are lightly browned on top. The pan with less muffins will cook faster so keep an eye on it.

*I tried a streusel topping on one attempt at these, because who doesn't like struesel, but it kept the muffins from rising as well, so I nixed that. Follow your heart on this one.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Winter Whirlwind

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If you're like Sean and I, you have multiple sets of family that you want to spend time with for Christmas, which means either someone is unhappy or you commit yourself to a whirlwind of activity and barely get to truly enjoy any of it. How come there isn't a carol about that?

This year, instead of going to my aunt and uncle's house for Christmas Eve (where last year we announced our pregnancy and, really, how could we top that?) Sean and I decided to spend a quiet evening at home, having a little quality time, resting up for the upcoming flurry of activity, and preparing food and gifts to bring with us the next day. The main reason for this decision was that the girls start to get fussy around 5:30 and go down to bed within an hour after that. We could have kept them in their car seats to sleep while we mingled, but we risked disrupting their schedule and having angry babies (picture Godzilla attacking Tokyo, but smaller) during Christmas Day. And we needed them to be cooperative for Christmas. So we stayed home and I made Crispy Black Bean Tacos for dinner (see recipe in earlier post), cheesecake for Christmas Day dinner, coffee cake blueberry muffins for brunch (another outstanding recipe soon to be added to "Cooking with Britt") and Sean made chocolate chip walnut cookies while we watched Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince. It was a great night.

The next day, Sean and I opened our presents to each other and the girls. Although, while I was making muffins the night before, Sean looked at his present and asked, "Is it the IPod cable for the Highlander?" Nailed it. Totally took the wind out of my sails. (Price is Right overbid sound here.) I tried to cover up my shock, but I'm not good at lying to Sean, so he knew. It sounds like an odd gift, but it has to be installed in the car and allows us to see the IPod options over the navigation system screen, so is safer for when we play "keep it or skip it" and has to be bought at the dealer, so is definitely a luxury item. Sean got me a pair of pearl earrings he remembered me mentioning (so sweet) and proved how well he knows me by getting me Alton Brown's cookbook, which I've been fascinated by ever since, opening at every spare moment to read the next tidbit. For those who don't know, Alton Brown teaches the science behind cooking and spices (ha!) it up with trivia and fun facts about food origins. Totally up my alley.

We hustled out the door bright and early to my parents for brunch and present opening with the rest of my family. My brother and his fiancée were over an hour late, which is pretty much how they roll these days, so we started without them. I dressed the girls in frilly, poofy party dresses and little white tights, since my mom wanted them to be in "something nice" for the holidays and, while it was cute, these were not sensible outfits. The girls kept getting scratched by the tulle under the skirts, everything kept riding up since they wiggle so much, and the skirt itself wound up in their mouths most of the time. I changed them to some red onsie tops and bottoms that said, "Daddy's favorite present", complete with matching Santa hats, courtesy of our fantastic neighbors who are like another set of grandparents for the ladybugs, and this was a much more sensible outfit.

We spent two hours there, which wasn't nearly enough time to sit, relax, catch up with everyone, and enjoy the morning, but we had places to be, things to do, people to see!

Our next stop was a slightly longer visit with Sean's dad, Rod, his wife Gayle, and Sean's sister, Tanya, her husband, Scott, and kids Curtis and Darian, who all came over from Sequim. Rod was diagnosed last year with multiple myeloma and completed chemo and a stem cell transplant this month, so his immune system is practically non-existent at this point. What we didn't realize until the week before is that he's not supposed to be around anyone who had a live immunization within the last 30 days. Like...say... Charlotte and Lilah, who had their 6 month shots on the 15th. Whoops. But all we knew how important it was to bring them to spend their first Christmas with the whole family, so we had to make sure that anyone who held the girls had to wash their hands after and could no longer come in contact with Rod (sad face), and we all had to try to contain the girls' possible contamination, which is easier said than done with little ones who wiggle this much and are currently fascinated with blowing raspberries and forming swimming pools of drool. I think we did ok - no reports from Rod of any problems.

Sean then took his Dad's car back to our house to feed the dog and pick up our dessert. The car needed to be driven and have the fluids checked since it's been sitting around most of the winter. I went ahead to my grandma's house with the girls and Sean wasn't far behind - but missing the cheesecake. Wah?! Bummer. But I guess that means more for me! We ate, again, shared some laughs, and headed home, exhausted and stuffed to our ears with holiday goodies.

On Saturday, my parents took the girls for their very first sleep-over so Sean and I could have our first real date since the girls came home and even get some sleep. I had been looking forward to this for WEEKS. I carried about 40 pounds of gear into their house, gave some quick instructions, and then hit the road. We went to the Main Street Ale House and had some beers and dinner and did our best not to make the ladybugs our sole topic of conversation. We started looking at movie times on Sean's phone and you could feel the enthusiasm hit the floor with a thunk. We decided to just go home and go to bed, and were there by 9 p.m. Yup, we're officially lame-o parents. But it was so nice get away, just the two of us and focus on each other for a change. Good beer didn't hurt either.

And thus was our weekend. Phew.


From Charlotte and Lilah together

Cooking with Britt - Crispy Black Bean Tacos

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I saw this recipe in the Seattle PI months and months ago and thought it looked fantastic, so I made it (with some tweaks, a la Britt) and fell in love. And, like many initial infatuations, I then forgot all about it. But I found myself dreaming about crunching into these a few weeks ago, bought the ingredients and waited for the right night - you know, one where I actually have time to put multiple ingredients together and cook it all up. On Christmas Eve, since Sean and I were staying home in the interest of keeping the ladybugs cheerful for Christmas Day, I wanted to make something special for the two of us to share and Sean suggested these tacos. I almost drooled like Roscoe but refrained from spinning excitedly in a circle and spraying slobber everywhere.

Then, I found myself talking about the recipe with a co-worker and realized that it's one of those great recipes I just have to share with others. And since I have a forum for that kind of stuff (mwuh-ha-ha-ha!!), here it is!

Crispy Black Bean Tacos with Feta and Cabbage Slaw
15-ounce can black beans, drained
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt
8 white or yellow corn tortillas
3 tablespoons lime juice, fresh is best
5 teaspoons olive oil, divided
2 cups coleslaw mix
2 green onions, chopped
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
Ground black pepper, to taste
Hot sauce, to taste - I like Tapatio best for this application
1/3 cup crumbled feta cheese, Cojito would work too.

In a small bowl, combine the beans, cumin and salt. Use a fork to partially mash.
Divide the mixture between the tortillas, spreading it evenly over 1 side of each. Set aside.

In a medium bowl, combine the lime juice and 2 teaspoons of the olive oil. Add the coleslaw mix, scallions and cilantro, then toss well. Season with pepper and hot sauce. Set aside. (Make two batches because once you taste it you'll want to eat this stuff all on it's own, and then you won't have enough for the tacos.)

In a large skillet over medium-high, heat the remaining 3 teaspoons of olive oil. Add the tortillas in a single layer, bean side up, in batches if necessary, and cook for 1 minute. Fold the tacos in half, then cook for about another minute per side, or until golden brown.

Fill each taco with some of the coleslaw mixture and top with a sprinkle of feta cheese. Add more hot sauce here if you want.

I also topped with some diced avacado. Because I can.
I'm drooling again. *slurp*

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Cooking with Britt - Cranberry Sauce

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I like to cook. More importantly, I like good food, prepared to my taste, and cheap. Which means cooking it myself is the best solution unless it's Papa John's pizza or Yia Yia ice cream. Usually I get a hankering for something (hankering is a surprisingly underused word in my opinion), and then try to find a recipe that seems about right. I hardly ever follow the recipe exactly - I consider them to be more "guidelines" than anything else - and, in my humble opinion, it usually turns out to be pretty darn good.

Sometimes it takes several efforts before I master it, as is the case with my homemade cranberry sauce recipe, which actually started life as a cranberry chutney. I make it every year, sometimes for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, and every year something changes. This year I was given the most solid of compliments yet: Sean, who adores the gelatinous, wobbly, can-shaped version of cranberry sauce, actually said that mine topped that. Now, some might not see that as a compliment because, really, who could do worse than the canned sauce, right? But to him, this was a James Beard award.

So, in the spirit of the holidays, and with the potential for this to become a regular feature, here is:

Britt's Cranberry Sauce
1/2 mild onion, diced (yellow or sweet onion will do)
3 tbsp. butter
4 cups fresh cranberries (or two small bags)
1 cup dried apricots
Two apples, peeled, cored and diced
Zest and juice of one orange
Pinch of salt
1/2 cup candied ginger, diced small (this is a KEY ingredient)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup candied or roasted pecans or walnuts, chopped (you can candy by spraying with Pam, tossing with some sugar, and baking in an oven until the sugar is melted up, about 10 minutes - or just roast without sugar if preferred - then chop)

Sautee the onions with the butter until clear, then toss everything else in the pot except for the nuts and simmer at medium-low stirring every few minutes. I like to pop the cranberries as they get hot - kind of like bubble wrap! After about 15 minutes everything will have cooked down and you shouldn't see any chunks of fruit any longer. Toss in the nuts just before serving!

This is an inexact recipe - the actual measurements aren't crucial, so don't worry about measuring cups and spoons, etc., just eyeball it and if you want more or less of anything, go for it. Seriously.

Most of the ingredients can be prepped a day or two ahead of time and then just thrown together, which makes it much easier. This recipe written out makes it look more difficult than it actually is, but take my word for it - easy-peasy.

I feel like I need a catch phrase to wrap up food posts.... How about "Yu-hum!" or "Straight to my hips and worth every ounce"? No, those aren't quite right. I'm open to suggestions - if I pick yours, I might show up at your door with food!


Monday, December 21, 2009

Try to be nice.

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See the title? We're forced to remind ourselves of this every time we go out with the girls. People are interested in twins, I get it (especially ones as cute as ours. I'm just sayin'.) And, when they're interested they usually try to engage us in conversation so they have an excuse to oggle the ladybugs a little more. Unfortunately, "cute" makes some brains turn to mush. After all, just look at me and my record of bringing home stray animals.

So, to summarize: Cute + twins - brains = inane commentary.

When Sean goes out with the girls, he constantly hears small talk like, "You're so brave!", "Quite a handful you've got there", "You're all by yourself?", and "Where's mom?" The general public is constantly commenting on how great it is to see Daddy out with two babies. But does anyone say to me, "Where's Daddy?" or "It's so great you're out with them on your own, Mom"? Nope. I'm SUPPOSED to be able to do this because I'm mommy. At this point (because they're bottle fed), Sean has the same skill sets that I do! There is nothing inherently different about him and I that makes me more competent with twin babies or him less. No one ever thinks twice about it when it's just me. So why is everyone so impressed?

Because guys are slackers, that's why. They use their gender as an excuse not to do things like rock a baby or change a diaper. Do you think a mom could say, "I can't change diapers because they make me squeamish" and get away with it? (Maybe in an episode of not-so-Real Housewives.) We're supposed to be in a world of equality, but as far as I can see, guys are more than willing to cut and run when it comes to baby stuff. (Sean and several of our wonderful dad-friends excluded, of course.) It's a racket. And a clever one at that. Not only do they get out of helping with the down-and-dirties, they get tons of kudos on the rare occasion they DO participate. So maybe guys are smarter than girls after all....

But the public comments aren't limited to expressions of awe about Sean. Those eyeballs see the girls, send a message to the brain...and it shuts down faster than Enron. All that comes out of their mouth after that point is the equivalent of Ashley Simpson music - you could listen, but why would you want to? Just to make fun of it later, that's why.

"Oh, a boy and a girl?" - What tipped you off, the baby dressed entirely in lavender, or the one completely in pink?

"Do twins run in your family?" - I'm tempted to design biology pamphlets explaining why identical twins aren't genetic... and then staple it to the person's forehead.

"Wait'll they're teenagers" - Always hilarious and encouraging, as well as entirely new and creative. Yup, never gets old.

"How do you tell them apart?" - Why would we need to? The beauty is that they're interchangable!

"Are they twins?" - There's two?!

Sean's answer to this question is: "No, but their moms are!"

And they're only 6 months old. I have a lot of "be nice" reminders in my future, don't I? Those of you who know me are aware that my filter isn't always that great and sometimes, eeeee-very once in a while, I let slip what's really on my mind. Maybe instead of a college fund we should be stashing away legal defense fees for Mommy. Although if a judge heard some of what people say I would clearly be justified in afore mentioned forehead stapling.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for 6 months!

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The girls had their 6 month appointment this week and I think I can safely say that they're quickly catching up to their peers!

Let's start with non-adjusted growth:
Lilah - Height 2' 1.25" (28th percentile), weight 12lb 1.7 oz (1st percentile), head 43 cm (64th percentile)

Charlotte - Height 2' 1" (20th percentile), weight 12lb 6.4oz (1.5 percentile), head 42.5 cm (49th percentile)

Yes, a quarter inch in length equals an 8 percentile points difference and a half cm in head equals 15 percentile points difference.

Yes, the girls are greater then or equal to more than half of their peers when it comes to head size (say thank you to Daddy, ladybugs!)

And yes, Charlotte and Lilah, at 6 months, are nearly half my height.

I forget about how tiny these little ones are until I hear from other moms. One has a 4 month old that is 18 pounds, another's 6 month old was over 20 pounds. When I set the girls into their cribs with only one arm I think about how much harder it would be if they weighed what they're supposed to. But, they're quickly growing out of all of their clothes because they can't straighten their legs in the PJs or have the pant legs go up to their knees. Who knew that children of mine would be too TALL?

The ladybugs are also catching up with the 6 month developmental milestones: holds head steady when upright, sits with support, rolls over front to back and back to front independently, supports self in standing position (assisted), reaches for objects, recognizes own name, smiles spontaneously, squeals in delight, babbles to toys, transfers objects from hand to hand (Charlotte has a little more hand control), pulls to sit with no head lag, turns to voices, get attention by babbling instead of crying.

They also do a few things that are above their age: moves body with excitement in anticipation of playing, enjoys peek-a-boo, works to get a toy that is out of reach (they shuffle on their backs).

And a few that they aren't quite ready for: making noises that sound like attempts at speech, holds own bottle (Charlotte holds the bottle tightly but more out of comfort than trying to manage it), sits without support (those darn heads still).

They had to have 4 (!) shots at this visit, including the h1n1 that they're finally old enough to get. The clinic was out of one so they only got 3 shots, but something tells me that was more than enough. I've seen the girls cry for a variety of reasons, but rarely do they produce actual tears, and when they do, it's the saddest thing to see. Luckily, they recover quickly with a good cuddle unless they're exhausted, which Lilah was. We got out into the waiting room and got our first piece of unsolicited stranger advice (lucky us, I know, but we don't have a lot of chances to get them out much). Some older gentleman said, "You know, I was a nurse and babies usually calm down after shots if you cuddle them." I kindly responded, "We did, but she's very tired and more upset about that than anything." What I wanted to say, dripping with sarcasm, was, "Really? I never thought of that. Thank goodness I have complete strangers around to tell me what my baby needs! How can I ever thank you? Whatever you do, please, continue to offer unsolicited and entirely obvious advice to those around you!" But, I'm sure he meant well, so I kept that to myself.

Charlotte found her tongue this week, licking everything that comes near her mouth, including burp rags, blankets, hands (hers or someone else's), and our shoulders. I can ask where her tongue is, stick mine out and she will stick hers out for me to touch. She loves when I touch her tongue and is torn between keeping it held out and grinning from ear to ear. Let's hope that doesn't last past childhood.

Lilah is really getting the hang of this eating thing and absolutely loved the pureed banana with pear juice I made. (Don't be impressed. I have mini-Cuisinart and just dropped a banana in with some juice. It took about 20 seconds and made enough to last for weeks. I spoon some in little Dixie cups and freeze it.) Lilah opened her mouth wide whenever she saw the spoon coming and swallowed every single bite. Charlotte was reluctant to let the spoon into her mouth and still pushes her food out onto her chin, mostly because she's playing with the texture.

In other news, part of the reason I'm so delayed in posts is because I had strep throat the week before last and it pretty much wiped me (and my vacation balance) out.

And we had a bit of a scare with Roscoe this past weekend. I got home from work on Friday and he didn't greet me at the door with his usual enthusiasm. All evening, even when we were eating on the couch, he remained laying down in the lower living room, not even playing with a toy. When we heard him whimper we thought he was sleeping but looked and he was wide awake. We called him to join us on the couch and he very gingerly walked up the two steps, had difficulty jumping onto the couch and then piddled. All of this was very out of character for our sturdy and enthusiastic puppy. We looked him over and noticed that he had very little strength in his back legs and was trembling from head to toe. Not sure if he could have gotten into something, we called Nanntastic Cindy to see if he had been acting normal for her during the day. He had. So whatever it was came on suddenly. Sean, bless his heart, felt horrible that Roscoe couldn't get on and off our bed where he normally sleeps at night, so he coaxed Roscoe onto the low guest bed and slept in that chilly room with him all night so he wouldn't be alone. I took Roscoe to the vet in the morning (which involved me lifting all 67 pounds of him into and out of the truck - it's amazing how animals can somehow make themselves weigh more when they don't want to do something!) and she confirmed that it was pain in both hips, not some sort of paralysis. It could have been hip dysplasia, but that usually shows up in younger dogs (he's 5) and usually after a very active day (he hasn't had in active day since we got our Christmas tree). Another possibility was "sterile" meningitis, the sterile part meaning that it developed on it's own and wasn't contagious. She gave us anti-inflammatories to feed him twice a day and sure enough, he started acting better within a few hours. After the pills run out we'll see if he has a recurrence, but no one wanted to put him through x-rays and tests if it was something easily resolved. So now he's on and off the bed, begging for food, and back to his same old self. We're keeping our fingers crossed that he stays happy and healthy after this! He has two little girls to look after and they're going to be mobile soon!

Friday, December 11, 2009

6 months!!!

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Quick update:
The girls turned 6 months old this Tuesday - how the time flies. Although, it took long enough that their 1st birthday still seems ages away!

Lilah slept through the night for the last two evenings and I'm crossing my fingers that these girls will synchronize their Swatches and perform this magical feat at the exact same time. (No, they don't have Swatches, but if they did, Charlotte's would be pink and Lilah's would be purple.)

Sleeping through the night may have something to do with the fact that they're working on the solid food thing. This weekend I cut, steamed and pureed both carrots and butternut squash to see how these higher fiber foods would be received, because the rice cereal was not doing us any favors. The girls still have no idea what this solid food thing is all about, but Lilah is better at opening her mouth to see what this new texture thing is. Nanntastic Cindy reported back that the carrots were a big flop (insert Price is Right over-bid sound here). Both girls made horrid faces with squinty eyes and squinched mouths and discovered that orange is a great color for clothes, faces and hair. Noted.

A few days later she tried the squash, which got the fun label "butt nut" on the container, with mixed results. This time the texture was a little more up their alley and Charlotte even opened her mouth for more. Nanntastic Cindy thought that they actually ingested quite a bit of it, which I interpreted to mean that she found less on their clothes than last time. And when the time came for their next bottle, they really weren't interested because they were still full! Success! We still aren't considering "butt nut" as a replacement for a meal, but it's a good start all the same.

Next week: Apples and bananas.

In other news, thanks to the amazing generosity of friends and family, and their children who grew far too quickly out of pre-purchased diapers, we have only had to buy diapers once in 6 months. But, this weekend I anticipate that the diaper well (maybe that's notthe best term?) will officially run dry. Not a bad stretch as far as I'm concerned, but since we still haven't seen a check from all those ad clicks you've been doing, it's going to cramp the budget a bit. Maybe we're close to reducing some formula costs in exchange for cheaper fruits and veggies? Fingers crossed.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I knew this would come.

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There comes a single moment in the course of an infant's life when their parent knows for certain that their life has been irreparably changed in ways it was hard to truly envision until it actually happened to them. And when that moment comes, the parent shakes their head, has an inner dialogue about how they can't believe they are actually doing this 1, and moves forward with a new badge of honor pinned to their shame vest. It's a difficult moment. It comes with immense responsibility.

It is the moment when a parent discusses their child's poo publicly.

I am a relatively conservative person when it comes to talking about bodily functions. I wasn't brought up to think vomit, feces, urine, flatulence or burping were ever an appropriate topic of conversation outside of a medical setting. But baby poop has suddenly become a significant player on my life-stage and it has made me realize that this is an inevitable fact and the time has come to face it. And this moment has come to me courtesy of Lilah.

When the girls first got home from the NICU, we used a white-board in their room to track the time and amounts of formula they ate and when they filled their diapers. This was necessary at the time because preemies' eating and diaper habits can quickly point to problems they're experiencing. Now that they're bigger and still healthy, we only track the last time they had a bowel movement.

"Last poo: Wed AM" is what the space below Lilah's name read. The evening of Thanksgiving, Lilah awoke several times in the night screaming, which was odd because normally she babbles loudly to let us know she is awake. (And on another note of significance, Charlotte slept through the entire night! 2) Lilah continued to be fussy and cried for me and then Nanntastic Cindy all day. We speculated that she might be working on a tooth, so gave her Tylenol and tried to comfort her. On Friday night, Lilah woke up screaming every hour. We rocked her 3 until she calmed down and then put her back into bed.

We realized on Saturday night that she was constipated beyond belief. We used several phrases to describe this: "The troops are stuck at the gate", "Logjam", "The turtle's pokin' it's head out" (thanks, Mike Myers), all of which speak for themselves. This little girl was in some serious pain. I tried pumping her legs. I tried taking her temperature "the ol' fashioned way". And, because I could actually see the poo languishing in the transitional zone, I even tried using a food syringe to suck part of it out. Nothing helped.

I called the Consulting Nurse to see if there were some more home remedies I could use. She suggested "P" juices (prune, plum, pear) and if, it came to it, an over-the-counter pediatric suppository. We mixed pear juice with Lilah's formula, and I was tasked with the lovely job of administering the suppository. If I could read her mind it probably would have been something like, "You do know what my problem is, right?! And you want to put more in there?! Are you freakin' kidding me?!" She was a screaming, miserable little girl.

And then we left! We had pre-arranged for my really good friend (because only a really good friend would watch your twin babies for hours while one of them screams bloody murder) Angie to watch the girls while we went on a Christmas Tree expedition in the Baker/Snoqualmie National Forest, and it was our last chance to go, so we kept the plans and hoped that a major blow-out would happen before she arrived. It didn't. And we came home to a still-screaming, miserable little girl. I administered another suppository. I am evil incarnate. I know. I got in a warm bath with her 3. It still didn't work.

Lilah continued to wake up every hour all Sunday night, screaming and inconsolable. Finally, at 5 a.m., I thought I would change her diaper and saw the turtle-head making an appearance. I like to think that my words of encouragement made a difference: "Come on, Lilah, You can do it! Push! Push! Keep going! You're almost there!" but it was probably just timing. And finally, after 5 days, very little sleep, and a lot of unhappiness all around, it was out.

I actually stood there for a moment admiring it. I debated whether to save it to show Sean. I thought about what I would compare it to so he would know exactly what we had been up against. This is about to be THE parenting moment. This poo was the size and shape of a wine cork and hard as a rock. This poo was huge. HUGE. Way too big for an 11 pound baby to have to pass. I don't know how fruit juice would have made a difference in softening or reducing this sucker, but I did know that whatever impact it had was probably waiting further upstream, so I had that to look forward to.

And yet, the adventure is not yet ended. With all of the strain, pushing, wiping and irritation she endured, her bottom is chapped and blistered, red and raw, and still causing us all (yes, most of all Lilah) continued misery. She won't sit on our laps to eat, instead arching her back or turning sideways. She cries when we set her on the changing pad, clenches her cheeks and straightens her legs so we're denied access. (Mostly me because I've obviously destroyed any trust that she had for my skills as a diaper-changer.)

The only good to come of this whole situation is that my independent girl, the one who pushes away and leans back so she can have a better view of everything going on around her, has, at least temporarily, become a cuddler. I was almost grateful at some points in the middle of the night as I held her close and she snuggled in against my chest, as I felt her breathing become calmer and slow, as I inhaled the sweet smell of her head and felt her pulse against the soft underside of my chin. I gently rocked from side to side, shifting my weight from one hip smoothly to the other hip, and hoped that she was enjoying this moment, this incredibly lovely moment, as much as I was.

And then she'd shriek.

1 - Granted, there are surely many of these moments yet to come. This however, is the first among the long series of shame badges I will earn as I move up the ranks of parenthood.

2 - Poor Charlotte. In addition to being second place in the attention rosters this week, she also has an amazing acheivement that has been overshadowed but is no less significant: Charlotte slept through the night 5 nights in a row! My long-awaited milestone!!

3 -This is love: 1) Holding a shrieking baby for as long as it takes in spite of permanent hearing loss; and 2) Taking a bath with a baby when you're actually hoping she will poop in the water.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Dan Piraro knows my name - swoon!

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My favorite comic strip genius, Dan Piraro, who creates Bizarro (which you all should know by now holds a special place in my sarcastic heart) holds a contest once in a while on his blog. He posts a recent strip, changes 15 things and whoever finds them all first wins. I was on it this time and posted my comment with my observed differences and was the very first person to do so! Unfortunately I missed one - thought the roof of the shed was flat instead of sloped when the right answer was really a missing branch in the upper center tree. So I didn't win, but I did get a shout-out and D.P. ('cause we're now cool like that) called me a winner in his heart and mind, which pretty much wraps up my week in a tidy little package. *Rawr.

http://bizarrocomic.blogspot.com/

*A reference to another of my favorite entertainment pasttimes - TBTL - a fantastic imaginary radio show. You aren't listening yet? Shame on you. Go subscribe to the podcast before your cool factor hits bottom. Sur-iously.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Videos

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As some of you may know, Sean occasionally posts videos of the girls on YouTube. Some of these may or may not be used against him or our children later in life. But, if you want to see them, look for user "sparks432". You can even subscribe so that you get a notification every time he uploads something new!

Here is Lilah in the Bumbo (I can't get to the coding to embed the actual video here in the post. I'll probably come back later and take care of that):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X6aN7k6Rmg

Friday, November 13, 2009

Wiggle worm

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Yesterday morning both girls woke up 10 minutes before my alarm went off so I took them out of their crib, set Charlotte on the playmat, and fed Lilah since she seemed to be the least patient at that point. When we finished, I carried Lilah back to the playmat and found that Charlotte had vanished! I looked to the side and saw that she had wiggled her way from the center of the playmat, which was in front of the media center, all the way across the hardwood floor until she was almost to the couch. All while laying on her back. I didn't know whether to laugh out loud or feel sorry for her laying there on the hard floor.

I chose laughing.

And then I moved her back.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Need baby gear?

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If you're in the market for anything baby related (hats, highchairs, bottles, gates, bedding, anything!) check out www.diapers.com! Their prices are better than Babies 'R' Us, and they have essentially the same selection with free delivery and it's often at your door the next day!

Plus, if you enter the code BRIT0048 at checkout, everyone benefits. Any new customers who enter this code (or my email address) will get $10 off their first diaper order. I will get a $1 credit for each new referral plus another $1 credit for every additional order they place - no limits!

So far we've ordered Pampers, sunhats, bottles and nipples - in case you're worried they only have diapers. The order was at our house the next day - I have no idea how they do that, but it's pretty convenient. And we are all about convenience these days. Time is...well... time.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Baby steps

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I got home late last night and the girls had already entered meltdown mode and been put to bed by the time I arrived. So, when I heard them stirring at 6 a.m., I was excited to get them up for the day. When they wake up in the mornings, they are the most cheerful babies. I lean over their cribs with a smile and say hello and they grin from ear to ear and do great big two-legged happy kicks. It's as though they are just laying there, wide-eyed, waiting for the moment when my face pops into view. They obviously get this morning-wide-eyed-joy from their daddy.

Because they're in such great moods in the morning, I took the opportunity to bring them out to their play mat and give them some belly time. Normally belly time doesn't last very long because they get so frustrated with how much effort it takes to lift their massive skulls, but lately they have been tolerating it a little longer before either flipping right back over again or crying for help.

I started with Lilah and when I flipped her over, she propped herself up with straightened arms, lifted her head...and pulled her knees in. WHAT? Lilah was balancing on her palms and knees! And suddenly her head didn't seem as heavy. It was like a light went on and she realized the kind of control she really has over her own body. Then she stuck out both legs behind her, back arched, and swung them to her left - the first swing tipped her slightly, the second swing a little more, the third swing made her teeter on her side, but her arm was keeping her from going the distance. She straightened her arm and put it down by her side and started gaining momentum again. Three swings and she was over on her back. This little ladybug has it figured out! It was definitely a purposeful series of movements intended to get her off her belly.

It's so cool to see the wheels turn and watch them build on their skills and knowledge bit by bit.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Seriously?!

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Right, because I didn't have enough on my plate.

On Saturday around 4 am I rolled over and felt like I had been laying awkwardly on one side, tweaking a muscle in my back on the lower right side., above my hip. I woke up to feed the girls around 6 and the muscle was still acting up. The longer I sat turned to the side to feed them, the more irritated it became. Once I finished, I microwaved my neck pillow and laid down on the couch for awhile but no position seemed to make it better or worse. Around 8 I took the Ibuprofen and hydromorphone left over from my c-section (I know, I'm not supposed to hang on to these things but, look, it came in handy!)

This wasn't the first time I've had back pain, although it was the first in my lower back, and I felt like a hypochondriac for questioning whether it was anything more than that, so I did my best to do all the usual self-treatment.

My mom and grandma came over at 10 to watch the ladybugs so I could go to the gym, but I told them that I pulled a muscle in my back and so didn't feel like going. I said I'd take a nap in the back instead and see if I could feel better. A few minutes in bed made me realize that 1) no position was going to be comfortable enough to fall sleep, and 2) my back pain was getting worse in spite of my medicine. I thought about calling the Consulting Nurse but figured that I would probably be told to be seen so I skipped the middle man and called for an appointment before the Saturday clinic was over.

I walked out to the living room and, I think, startled my mom and grandma by saying, "My back is getting worse. I'm going to go to the clinic" and then grabbing my purse and heading out the door.

I managed to hit every stop light, and every "You go. No, you go," at each stop sign along the way, each minute making my pain a little worse until I could barely support myself enough to stay sitting up. When I walked in the door of the clinic, a one-finger typer from the cast of Sling Blade attempted to check me in using the new appointment system that he had obviously never seen before this moment. He asked me to update my emergency contact information and I think I replied, a little too shrilly, and much too quickly, "It'sallthesame!" as I grabbed a tissue and dabbed the tears of pain and frustration off my cheeks. "We have to input it again in the new system," he replied. I took a deep breath and tried to shift my weight in a way that might offer some pain releif, but none came. "Two-oh-six..." "Wait. Wait... I have to figure out how to get to that screen." I envisioned a healthier version of myself leaping over the counter and taking him by the throat to the commercial-grade carpet.

The clear-witted woman next to him said, "Just let her go and we'll do it another time". Thank goodness for perceptive abilities.

I hobbled up the stairs and briefly explained to the nurse how my morning had started, when she stopped me and waved the doctor over, saying, "We have kidney stones over here." Wha? It seemed like a pretty conclusive statement given that I hadn't finished my story or had any testing yet.

I managed the most miniscule of urine samples - I've seen more condensation rolling down a winter window - and waited through a series of questions as I kneeled, squatted, bent forward, sat on one hip, sat on the other hip, laid back, leaned against a chair, and any other position I could stand for more than a few seconds. I would have seemed more manic than a speed freak except for the shallow breaths and closed eyes. It felt like I had been beaten with a baseball bat over and over right above my hip bone.

The doctor called ahead to Group Health's Urgent Care to let them know to expect me and I called my dad for a ride since I had obviously pushed my limits with the first drive and Sean was still at work. The pain was now radiating to my groin and I was in serious danger of tossing my cookies. (Literally, since my lame attempt at breakfast was a Lilah-shaped gingerbread cookie and milk.)

Within minutes of arriving, they rushed me into an orthopedic room (all the other rooms were full) and started an IV. I said, "Put me in a broom closet for all I care, as long as you do something about the pain!" and then was reminded of my sincere and everlasting love of dilaudid. Ah, sweet nectar of the gods. If there is a heaven, let it consist of just this: Me on a bed with a constant infusion of this amazing drug. yessssss......

Sean arrived a short while later and within about two hours I had a CT scan. (There is apaprently very little in the name "Urgent Care" that is factual.) The wait didn't bother me, since I was nicely drugged, but Sean was bored out of his mind so I sent him to Whole Foods to get himself some lunch. When he came back, he was full and, since I coudn't eat anything "just in case", he brought me a cherry truffle candy bar to look forward to. Best husband ever, right?

Finally, the doctor came in. "Well, we didn't see the stone on CT, so you must have passed it while you were waiting and now it's in your bladder. But, we did see something else. It looks like you have a large cyst on your right ovary." He gave me the choice of staying for an ultrasound and I figured that while we here, we might as well know the full story.

It turned out that, in addition to a kidney stone, I also had a 2.5 cm cyst that had ruptured. The pain I was enduring was either a) a kidney stone, b) the expanding of a large cyst, c) the rupture of that cyst or d) all of the above. In all likelihood, it was d.

And so a nurse came in, removed my IV and said I could go. I looked at her quiziically and asked where the doctor was. She said that my doctor had gone home, that there was a new doctor and then handed me a prescription. I was more than a little puzzled that he (or she) didn't talk to me in person or provide me with more definitive information about my condition or follow-up. The nurse practically told us not to let the door hit us in the *ss on the way out! By then it was 8hours since I'd been home and we had no idea how much longer we'd have to wait in order to talk to someone, so we packed up and headed out.


Sean drove me home and we picked up the girls from the neighbor, who had wonderfully relieved my mom from her long day of gandsitting, and then we all slept like logs.

Amazingly, I woke up Sunday morning feeling entirely pain free, without any of the medications they sent home with me, and have been completely back to normal ever since! The human body is pretty incredible.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

How perfect is this?

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I saw this in the newest Pottery Barn Teen catalog (and can I just say, I love everything else in there, too)! And it's only $15!


Yes, the ladybugs are Gemini, sign of... the twins.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Baby Sparks' Gender Unveiling

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The title of our evite from March 2, 2008, said: "Baby Sparks' Gender Unveiling" and had a picture of a Magic 8 Ball.

I was sending out an evite this week and saw in the list of past events our special post-ultrasound gathering. Looking back, the content of the evite seems fairly amusing, given what we know now....

Event Info
Will it be a girl? Will it be a boy? Will it be octuplets?
Come over and find out in person! We'll provide the dinner and hopefully the baby will provide all the right clues....Not to worry if you can't make it - we'll still let you in on it!
(Oh, and cast your guess for gender when you reply!)


Yes, we can't wait! (17)
Britt Anderson(The Organizer)

Chris Anderson (03/02) im going to be an uncle. of course im going to be there. its going to be a BOY

David McCallister (03/02)I will be there but Alice has to work. I might be a bit late as I don't get off from work 'til 5pm. Girl

Sarah Collinge (+ 3 guests) (02/15) My guess is it's a boy and since I'm always wrong that means you will be having a girl! Besides, girls are the current trend! Can't wait to see the ultra sound photo!! ~Sarah, Max, Hannah & Sadie

Gayle Sparks (+ 1 guest) (02/13)After the toothbrush test, I'll give my gender prediction. We're both looking forward to the party!

Bud Kirkpatrick (+ 1 guest) (02/12) Knowing you two, I hope its one of the two

Mom & Dad (02/11) See ya-what to bring? Girl

Hollie Cannelos (+ 1 guest) (02/11) Yes- and my vote is BOY!

Vivian (02/11) I will cancel dinner with my grandma for this one! Count me in. :) Aunty Viv

Kristina Rutledge (+ 1 guest) (02/11) I don't think I've ever been this excited for a Monday!!!! Wouldn't miss it. Girl/Boy, who knows, but I'm sure he/she will be ADORABLE. :)

We can't make it. Be sure to call us!
Beth & Craig Robinson (03/01)Wish we could Boy

Scott Engel (03/01) work

Damian Kelly (02/16) Girl .... 13 pounds 2 ounces, oops not time to guess that part yet...

Jill Kirkpatrick (02/13) Sorry to miss it! I have a class that night. We predict one of each...

Teri Kirkpatrick (02/13) Sorry we can't make it but you'll have my vote! Girl

Kathie Kirkpatrick (02/11) We'll call to get the deets. Aleah and Kathie say Girl Nick is down for a Boy :-) wishful thinking on both their parts, I think!

Tanya MacNeil (+ 3 guests) (02/11) Darn it is a work day.. but I am sure you will call me.. My vote is octuplets.... ;D Boy

Monday, October 26, 2009

4 1/2 months

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Nanntastic Cindy was out of town on Thursday and Friday so when I saw her Monday morning it had been 4 days since she last saw the girls and I had a lot to catch her up on!

Charlotte has been Miss Smiley-pants for almost two weeks - giant grins from ear to ear at every opportunity, giggling and kicking extra hard when she is happy. Lilah had some smiles, but they were more like someone had pulled the corners of her mouth and they weren't nearly as frequent. She must have been a week behind her sister because Lilah is suddenly all smiles when she sees us coming or makes eye contact. But she's also a week ahead of Charlotte when it comes to talking. All weekend Lilah has been playing with her dangling toys and making cooing and babbling noises and talking to the world. Charlotte hasn't quite discovered her voice, but she has discovered her hands. Lilah wrings her hands together like a mad scientist, but Charlotte plops her thumb in her mouth and smacks away at it. She won't even touch a binky anymore because she likes her own thumb so much.

We can tell they both can see across the room now because they turn their heads and look at Roscoe as he walks around the house. And they get stronger every day. When we put the girls on our laps and bend them forward to burp them, they can nearly hold that position on their own now. Either that or they refuse to bend at all and insist on standing up instead. And when we're holding them against our chest, they'll lean back and turn their heads to get a better view of something, usually a few seconds before spitting up and missing our carefully placed burp rag entirely.

Both girls spend a lot of time on their play mat, which has arches that span from corner to corner that hold dangling toys. Usually the girls reach out for and bat at the toys, but they still don't have a lot of control over their spastic movements. But several times this weekend we saw both girls reach out and grab a plastic ring on the toy and then bring it to their mouth. The first of thousands, I'm sure.

Our sleep schedule is working well (when we don't have disruptions). Last night Lilah slept from 7 to 3:30 - Yes, that's 8.5 hours! She was awake again at 5:30, but she was just cheerful and awake, not hungry. Charlotte slept from 7-12:30 (5.5 hours) and was ravenous when she awoke, but then she fell fast asleep again and was still conked out when I left the house at 7. Now all we need to do is get their schedules to sync up a little more because that still left this mom with 3, 2, and then 1.5 hours of not so restful sleep.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

4 months!

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Well, technically 4 months was October 8th, but our appointment wasn't until yesterday.

The girls weights  were..*drumroll please*

Lilah 9 lbs 11.4 oz
Charlotte 10 lbs 0 oz

Double digit weights at one time seemed so far away (about as far away as my own potential for double digits) but they've been reached! We'd been saying that Charlotte felt heavier than her sister and this confirmed it.

Dr. Dunn went down the list of milestones that they should be hitting and we said yes to nearly every one! He said that the girls are at the low end of the bell curve for being 4 months old, they're still on the curve, which was more than is to be expected from preemies. He even said that they're doing a few things that he doesn't see from "regular" 4 month-olds. Some of the items: reaching for items in front of them, grasping items in front of them, tracking 180 degrees, holding their heads up all the way when on their bellies, turning their heads when on their bellies, pushing up with their arms when on their bellies, recognizing their names, turning toward sounds, making more than just crying sounds, rolling over in both directions (not always intentional, but it happens!), smiling and laughing, holding head without wobbling. Check-check on all!

We kept saying yes and I felt like Dr. Dunn might not be believing us, potentially seeming like over-eager parents, but when he laid Lilah face-down on the bed she pushed up with her arms, raised her head and looked him in the eye. It was pretty gratifying to have her show off. He did have to help her a little by holding down her legs so they didn't fly up in the air to off-set the amazing weight of her enormous head ("It's like an orange on a toothpick!"), but imagine what she could accomplish if her head was in a closer ratio to the rest of her!

To put it in perspective: their weights were about 0.3 percentile, heights 3rd percentile, heads 30th percentile. No joke.

We (Sean, me and Dr. Dunn) all give a lot of the credit to Nanntastic Cindy for all the great work she does with them! Yay!

The bottom line is that they are happy, healthy little girls who are doing wonderfully. Our goal for our December 6-month Well Visit is tripod-sitting, where there legs are in front of them and each arm is forward and supporting their upper body. Can they do it?

In other news, I rocked at the EMOMs sale this weekend. I was a little stressed because it took me longer than I planned to get out of the house, no surprise there but it was mostly because they (and thus I) slept until 7:30 after their 3 a.m. feeding, so I got started a lot later than I planned. So I got to the sale, drenched, at 9:15 and saw about 30 other members already shopping and another 200 non-members waiting in the downpour for the 10:00 public entry.

My first stop was to the big-ticket items: furniture. I saw a cute white crib, all taken apart, and flagged down someone from the "holding area" to put my name on it and take it out of the sale area. My mom asked me to keep an eye out for a nice looking crib, perhaps two, and this one was cute, in good condition, looks like it will convert to a toddler daybed, and only $125! For those not in the know, this is a screaming deal. Screaming. The helpers moved the headboard and I saw another headboard behind it. Wait. Is that two (2?!) cribs? I want them both!! I quickly moved to the mattress section, pointed to the two highest quality ($40 each), and said, and those, too. Walked over to the baby gates ($5 each), pointed to two and then hauled over an immaculate papasan-style swing ($30) and added it to the pile. I felt like a rich woman with personal shoppers!

I had unfortunately forgotten all my binkies in my haste to leave the house and the girls were quickly losing patience, so I headed over to clothes to see what kinds of deals I could find. Now, this sale was in the Bellevue Community College gym, which is essentially two basketball courts, and there were about 8 racks of clothes that spanned the entire width of the gym. That's a lot of clothes and I didn't have a lot of time, so I focused on sizes the girls could wear right now. The beauty of the EMOMs sale is that the sale items tend to come in two's, so I found matching long-sleeved T-shirts in pink and purple ($2), matching fleece sweatsuits and coordinating onesies in pink and purple ($5), jeans($2), and, to make my mom happy for the holidays, matching extravegant party dresses ($10 each). Rock. On.

I had to send Sean back for part of the cribs, but I loaded the rest up and considered it a highly successful day.

Later in the weekend, I had a little photo shoot in the living room for the girls. I got about 80 shots, but only posted the 10 best on Picasa:


From Charlotte and Lilah together


From Charlotte and Lilah together


From Charlotte and Lilah together

Friday, October 16, 2009

I ♥ Bizarro

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18 weeks 4 days

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At some point, I'll have to convert my titles away from the weeks and days and more toward months.

Update: Some of the data has started to trickle in on the ads and I think I'm gonna keep them. Since we started:
Page impressions 493
Clicks 33
Earnings $15.34

Not too shabby! It's not quite as intrusive as I'd anticipated, either. AdSense only pays out in $100 increments, though, so we still have yet to see baby formula out of this.

I need to go out this weekend and buy a journal for Nanntastic Cindy (my new moniker for our fantastic nanny - in case that wasn't clear) to log the daily exploits of her charges. I think I'll call it "The Astounding Adventures of Charlotte and Lilah". It's the little things that Nanntastic Cindy notices and we sometimes miss, because we have these horrid things called jobs that keep us apart, that she wants to start writing down for us and I think that it's another great momento for 'the ladies' to have later in their lives. Other than this blog, of course.

For example, in the last two weeks the girls have started ear to ear smiles and even the occassional giggle in reponse to us smiling at them or touching their cheeks. This week the girls finally noticed each other, too. Nanntastic Cindy set Lilah down next to Charlotte on their play mat and Charlotte saw her sister and got wide-eyed and stared at her. Usually they don't acknowledge each other's existence except for the accidental smack here and there. At least, I assume it's accidental. They get the benefit of the doubt until they have more coordinated hand control.

We've been working a lot with the girls physically in the last two weeks, too. I bought an exersaucer and we have a Bumpo and we've been challenging the girls to last longer and longer sitting upright in them. It will hopefully help accelerate building their core so they will sit up on their own faster. This is good, in addition to the regular reasons, because the longer they roll the backs of their heads around on the floor, the more their hair gets broken off - and they don't have a lot to spare. Between the receding hairline, the bald spot they've created, and lack of teeth, they've got the 'old man' look down. Maybe Social Security will start cutting them checks.

Nanntastic Cindy also works with them during the day, doing everything from having them track toys across their field of vision to holding their hands and helping them up to a seated position that they hold for a few seconds. She gave me some good ideas for toys to look for to help build other skills as well. She's going to school for her degree in Early Childhood Education and it just so happens that she is in the infant modules right now. Not only can she try out techniques on the girls, she can try different techniques with each girl and see if there are different results. And the girls benefit from having someone with actual knowledge! (How long would I have let them just lay on their backs before I thought of this stuff? Around the time boys started to come by for dates I probably would have realized that it was no longer such a good thing, I suppose.)

So 'the ladies' are making progress, but still aren't up to age adjusted abilities physically yet. Part of the issue is that they are still so little and their heads are so massive. (I'm not kidding. It's like an orange on a toothpick. Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid. Has it's own weather system. HEAD! MOVE!) I'm guessing they're about 9.5 pounds, but the official numbers won't be in until their 4 month well visit on Tuesday. If they weigh 9.5 pounds, then 5 of that is noggin, which is a lot to hold up and control for such little bodies! We need to get the ratio down a bit. Sean and I were both pretty thin until around 21 when our metabolism checked out and we could no longer eat anything we wanted without consequence, so there's a strong chance 'the ladies' will be on the petite side themselves. Treasure it while it lasts, sweeties.

They are doing most of the non-physical milestones for their age, like making noises other than cries, but not quite babbling. And they've finally graduated out of newborn clothes and in to 0-3 months! Unfortunately, the generous folks who gave us a wardrobe all had their babies during warm weather and very few of the outfits are long-sleeved or heavy. We're trying to layer and rely a lot on pajamas (which are really just one-piece day-time outfits at this age, right?) Maybe I'll see some cute deals at this weekend's EMOMs (Eastside Moms of Multiples) twice annual sale!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

New photos!

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We have a few new photos that I took this weekend!


From Charlotte and Lilah together


From Charlotte and Lilah together
The girls had a great weekend filled with lots of loving arms. On Saturday, I really wanted to go to the Mill Creek Garage Sales (for those of you not in the know, the city of Mill Creek only allows garage sales twice a year - the first Saturday in May and October - so the entire city turns into one gigantic sale!). I didn't go to the May sales because I was in the hospital but my great friend Sarah went on my behalf and picked up books and toys for the girls to use later down the line. Now I knew a little better what I still needed and what to look out for.

However, bringing the girls with me would have made it challenging, to say the least, because of having to get them out at every stop and finding someone to go with me who didn't have kids of their own to bring along! So, I asked my brother's girlfriend, Auntie Kristen, if she was interested in watching the girls. Luckily, she was expecting her sister Emily to visit and that gave her a little extra confidence to take on the task. So, I hit the sales with Kristina, her daughter Evelyn (who is exactly two months older than Charlotte and Lilah), her mom, Sheryl, and a friend of her moms. Now, I never pay sticker price at a garage sale, so I got some great deals on a sit-n-play, wire wickets to keep the girls away from the rose bushes next Spring, a mini-photo book that fits in my purse, and several warm and cozy outfits. Just a Lysol wipe later and we're ready for fun!

On Sunday, my great friends, Angie and Dana, offered to come over and watch the girls so Sean and I could go out on a date. Except for an hour at a restaurant nearby for my birthday, Sean and I haven't been out alone once since the girls came home, so needless to say, we were stoked. I think I skipped my way out the door and sang, "Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" with a huge grin on my face. Since it was a Seahawks away game day, and I know how much Sean loves his Hawks, I offered to go to the Northgate Ram so he could watch the game and we could still have conversation, food and beer. One beer in and we were both showing some serious "tired eyes" and debating whether to go out to the car to nap for the rest of the date. We were SO tired. Lucky for us, when we got home the girls were down for a nap, so we decided to take a chance and close our eyes for a bit, too. Two hours later (!!!) we all woke from our naps. It was lovely.

One thing I don't understand about the whole weekend is that everyone said the girls were "great" and not fussy or crying at all. So... they just save that for us. At least that means there's hope for our friends to offer to babysit again in the future!

Friday, September 25, 2009

15 weeks 4 days

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(Is it "bear with me" or "bare with me"? - either way, I'm using the new blog post editor and I swear it's missing the spellcheck and I'm not a moron. Although those two things might not be mutually exclusive.)

Ok. This ad thing is rolling. So far, we've earned $.07. Adsense apparently only pays out in $100 increments, so keep it up. The internet might be obsolete before we get a check, but that's how it goes.

This week Sean was loaned a book by a co-worker (whose name escapes me or else I would credit her!) called, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Babies". That's the name of the book - remember, I don't know the name of the co-worker. Stay with me here. The book talks about techniques to get your baby not only to fall asleep but stay asleep longer and all of the behavior that is impacted as a result. Sean admittedly scanned the book, and I still haven't read it, but one of the main points is to put the baby to bed early and reap the rewards.

So we tried it. Sean feeds the girls around 4:30-5 ish, which is when they let us know they're hungry rather than a specific schedule on our part. I get home around 6 and cuddle with the fussiest girl until she's sound asleep in my arms. Ordinarily, I'd then put her in her chair in the living room and around 8 they'd wake up and eat again. Repeat at 11, 2, 5, etc.

In this new system, once the girl falls asleep, she gets put into her bed where it's dark, so there's no visual stimuli, and the radio is on NPR. (It couldn't hurt!) Amazingly, the first night we did this, the girls slept until 3 in the morning. That's 10 hours without eating and over 6 hours of sleep. Did I say amazing? We were a little uncertain if it was ok for them to go that long without eating until we remembered that when they're hungry, they let us know. In no uncertain terms. So, I wake up and feed them at 3 and then they sleep until the nanny arrives just before 7. And even better, when they wake up, they're calm and patient and pleasant. I don't know how it works. It's magic and it doesn't make any sense to me, but I like it.

The drawback is that Sean adjusted the schedule slightly on Wednesday because he had to pick up his sister at the ferry, so the girls were fed a little early and then fell asleep in the car a little earlier than usual. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to get them back on schedule yet, but I'm eager to because I think this thing could really work out. I hesitate to say it, but I almost feel rested. Please don't let this admission jinx me.

We've now seen Lilah roll from her stomach to her back! Sean hovered with the video camera for several minutes when it looked like she was making progress, but when it didn't look like it was going to happen, he turned it off and stepped away. Suddenly, *roll*! She did it! And we missed recording it. So we turned her over, turned on the camera and waited. (Is that cruel? I picture her thinking - Jeez, guys, I worked freakin' hard to get in this position and now you make me start over?! Come on!) It only took her about a minute to repeat and we finally got it on tape. Another milestone is that when Sean was playing with Charlotte, tickling her tummy and her cheek, she smiled and giggled! It was the first time she had smiled and laughed in response to us, and it's another 3 month milestone that we can check off the list. We keep getting surprised by how much these girls are keeping up with the milestones for their non-adjusted age. After all, you don't see many 8 pound babies rolling over and holding their heads up independently. But they do have a *bit* of high-acheiver in their lineage. We'll have them quoting Shakespeare and tuning carburetors by their first birthdays. Wait and see.

In other news, I haven't blogged about this yet, but I'm having continued issues with my c-section incision and it's really getting on my last nerve (no pun intended). Apparently, the Labor and Delivery folks were instructed to try out a new type of stitch called a quill stitch, which is how they closed my incision. The perinatologist (whom we absolutely adore) described it as a stitch that works best for "overweight oncology patients". I'm still not sure of the distinction. Either way, as things healed up and swelling went down, the stitches started to loosen. And when they loosen, they rub their way up to the surface, causing small abscesses along the way until they finally break through the skin. There were a few that we had to snip or else they would continue to rub and cause me discomfort, but now that enough time has passed, once they get to the surface, they have started to dissolve enough that they break off on their own. About once a week I have a new stitch start to have problems. At my 8 week check-up, I let the perinatologist know that this was happening and she said that I wasn't the only one experiencing this problem and they have now stopped using that stitch. Unfortunately, there is no solution except to let it run it's course. I filed a quality of care complaint so that UWMC was aware that this was happening and not do it to anyone else, but the nature of those complaints means that I can't know the findings or outcomes. Bummer.

Hey, don't forget to vote for Best of the Northwest: http://best.king5.com/contests/best-of-western-washington/4749  (yes, you have to register) Sean and I are particularly big fans of Luke Burbank for Local Radio Personality, so if you don't have your own preference, cast your vote in his direction for us, will ya? http://best.king5.com/luke-burbank/biz/133325 He has to at least beat that lame schmoozer, Fitz. Sur-iously.

And finally, this Saturday our cul-de-sac is having a group garage sale, so come by and see what kinds of things we're trying to unload on unsuspecting strangers... or you.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Selling out

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In the next few days, you might notice something different about our blog: ads.

I resisted for a long time because I post for friends and family (and their friends, family, colleagues, pets and assorted other associates) and because I hate ads. Hate ads. Especially the ones that use key words from the site as though the person were actively promoting that item.

But, word has it that a lot of people read this blog; people that I've never met but who hopefully now feel like they know us a little. And we now have twins. And between diapers, formula, childcare and medical costs, the budget is running pretty tight for the foreseeable future. And I do offer some semblance of entertainment for you, yes? (Just say yes. I don't need to know the truth.)

So, I gave in. Maybe the ads will force me to be more interesting/humorous/blog-a-riffic so you're more likely to visit our site regularly. Maybe that will mean that you'll pass us along to your other friends. Who knows? Maybe we'll earn 13 cents a month and I'll take it down because my integrity is worth more than that. How much is my integrity worth, you might ask? Well, AdSense won't disclose how much I can expect to see, so right now it's on a sliding scale.

Either way, don't be alarmed by the links you'll see soon. Just click on them and consider it a small way you can keep the girls and Roscoe fed and clothed. Well, we don't actually clothe Roscoe except for his Seahawks jersey and the uber-hilarious paw protectors for when he's around barnacles, but you get the idea.

And now for my next assignment for you: Who reads this thing, anyway? I'm super curious. If you get a chance, could you either add yourself as a "follower" (there is a section on the left side here called "Followers" where you can click "Follow this blog") or write me a comment to this post to let me know who you are? Perhaps something like, "I don't want to give my name, but I'm a friend of your mother and I check the blog weekly. I want more pictures, you slacker." Or maybe, "I work with your friend, (name here), and I only check this blog because she always leaves it up on our shared work computer. But I guess that counts." You get the idea.

And, for those who want me to bring back Cooter's biography, I'll have to decline for awhile. Cooter (oh crap, I'm starting to cry just writing this because I haven't fully admitted this until now) isn't with us any longer. One day about a month ago he just didn't come back home. He's not a roamer and he's neutered and microchipped, so we don't think he's off gathering new material for his book. There is a large greenbelt in our neighborhood and there have been coyotes spotted and heard howling. We think that he's gone for good. It breaks my heart because he was the coolest cat ever and only 2 years old and he deserved to pass away in his sleep 20 years from now on top of his scratching post perch, dreaming about catching the heron that eats all the goldfish in our neighbor's pond. Instead, I picture him surprised and scared and in pain and it hurts me to think I couldn't be there for him. We miss him so much that Sean and I both have dreams that he comes back and waits for us in the house, but then we wake up and know that he's not really coming back. So, Cooter's entries are probably retired, but rest assured that I'll eventually come up with another regular entry for your reading pleasure.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Twin haiku #1

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I answer the phone
Two demons shriek in my ear
Please call back later

Thursday, September 17, 2009

14 weeks 3 days

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Maybe the mid-week transition is what does the girls in. Maybe they're in a new phase. Maybe they're the devil.

Last night I slept from 9:45-9:50 (yes, that would be 5 minutes in which I was actually asleep -and dreaming! - before the girls woke up), 11-1, 1:30-4. After that, Charlotte fell asleep post-feeding but Lilah flat out refused in the only way she knows how: screaming and writhing. She finally shut her eyes for the last time just before 6. I put her in her crib and my alarm went off. I hit snooze and curled up in a ball in my bed for just enough time to warm the sheets again. It was such a tease.

I don't understand why these girls would suddenly need to eat every three hours and sleep even less. I'm actually hoping they have a growth spurt soon so that they crash at night and sleep for up to 4 hours. That would be so awesome. So. Awesome.

So, today is Thursday and ordinarily people who blog would say something like, "Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday" or "The weekend is SO close" (picture me saying those things with dripping sarcasm) but not this girl. That's because the weekend is not a reprieve for us. Nothing stops except my commute. I take all the feedings on Friday nights since I don't work the next day, and Sean takes all the feedings on Monday nights for the same reasons, so we can give each other just the tiniest bit of brief relief. Sean actually texted me yesterday to say that all he wants for his birthday, which is 2 months away, is 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Maybe I should add that to my Christmas list.

On the plus side, the nanny, Cindy, is an absolute godsend. She arrives at 6:45, sets her bag on the counter and immediately reaches out her arms for a baby. She may actually go through withdrawal over the weekends. She speaks softly and sweetly to them and texts us with photos of what they're up to during the day. At one point she said to me, "You know, the hard part about feeding both of them at the same time is that I can't make eye contact with them both at once!" I thought to myself, "Look them in the eye?! I'm so focused just getting them fed that it never occurred to me that would be important!"

So, she is wonderful with the girls. But a side bonus is that when she has down time, she cleans. Laundry, dishes, dusting, toilets - if it needs to be done and she has a chance, she does it. Now, maybe I tend to spend any down time with the girls attempting to get a nap, but I don't know how she has the time for all of this. All I know is that she takes such a burden off me by doing these chores that I've actually (in jest) suggested having more kids when the girls go to school just so we can keep having her help us! When I get home at the end of the day, I'm not looking at a pile of dishes or "Roscoe bunnies" floating down the hallway and thinking about what a disaster the house is and how I'll never see it clean again. Instead, I can enjoy holding a girl in my arms and maybe even pour myself a glass of wine. And for a brief moment I forget that another sleepless night is creeping closer as the sun goes down. Kind of like a C-grade vampire movie.

Monday, September 14, 2009

14 weeks

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On Saturday, my mom and grandma came over in the morning to offer me a break so that I could go to the gym. Unfortunately, I was so tired from the long week back at work that I opted to stay home and take a nap. The girls did not cooperate. I find it really hard to sleep when I can hear them crying, even if I know it is being taken care of. It's not that I want to go out and help, I just can't sleep through it.

My mom laid the girls belly-down on a blanket at some point and Charlotte was wriggling around so much that she actually rolled over, witnessed by both my mom and grandma. I would have thought this to be a fluke except that Sean saw her do it again today! Way to go, Charlotte. Her other accomplishment today was a diaper that looked to be filled with an entire pudding cup - a massive blowout that went up her back and down to her socks.

I can't help but take a little joy in Sean having his first full day at home today. He has been nothing but supportive of me when I had the girls on my own, and never judgmental about me being in my pajamas when he gets home at 1 in the afternoon. But it's rewarding somehow to have someone else in my shoes, knowing firsthand the frustrations and exhaustion involved. I feel for him, I really do. The girls didn't cut him any breaks - waking up at 4 and sleeping in shifts until noon. That's 8 hours of crying. How do they know that the other one has fallen asleep or is ready to take the waking shift? It's like a psychic teeter-totter.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

"Uh-oh. They caught us!"

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13 weeks 3 days

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I am so tired today. So tired that I'm on the verge of tears for no other reason than that I'm tired. I'm a walking zombie with slightly less dirt on my clothing. Apparently the fact that I'm back at work is lost on my daughters, the succubi. (Succubi: noun, plural of succubus 1. a demon in female form, said to draw the energy out of a person until they are so exhausted they die.)

For the last two weeks or so, the girls eat at around 5:30 in the evening, fuss and squirm until around 8, finally are coerced into sleep using a series of rocking movements, wrapping in warm blankets, and shushing until we're pretty sure our own ears have lost the ability to hear that frequency, and then put to bed. To our amazement, they have then slept until 1 or 2 in the morning. Sean and I use that middle time to get ready for bed, prepare milk and bottles, get the coffee-maker ready and set for the break of dawn, and preparing lunches and work clothes so that we can sleep as close to departure time as possible and still be ready for the day. Sometimes, we even eat dinner. But not always. Sleep is, after all, a hot commodity these days.

If we're lucky, the girls take 30 minutes to eat (total if they are being fed simultaneously by both of us, 30 each if only one of us can feed them at a time), fall quickly into what we have termed a "milk coma", and sleep until 4 when we do it again. Or rather, I do it again, because Sean leaves for work around 3:30.

Now that I'm back at work, that 4:00 feeding all by myself can end around 5:30. My alarm is set for 6:00 so that I can leave the house by 6:45 and meet my carpool. So effectively, all sleep is over at 4. If I fall asleep at 9 (ha!), I get about 5.5 hours of sleep a night, none of it in more than 3 hour increments. Until last night.

The girls ate at 5:30 and 6, but then Lilah effectively fought sleep until 8. Sean had made dinner while I tried to soothe her and we scarfed it down while running interference for her pacifier-ejection skills. Once we moved them to their beds and did whatever voodoo we thought would keep them asleep after that transition, I did a quick mental run-down of all the tasks I would still need to do: pump, make milk, clean the bottles, fill the bottles, put the hot-water mugs into the microwave for quick starting later, clean up after dinner, take a shower, dry hair, put on pajamas, make sure my lunch was ready, make sure my clothes were ready, put away the groceries I brought home that were still in bags on the counter. Was that it? Probably not, but that was the current list.

At 9:45, I crawled into bed next to my snoring husband. Before he had fallen asleep around 8, he looked at his watch and said "4 hours. 45 minutes." "Huh?" "That's how long I get to sleep." He had to be at work at 2 in the morning for the next two days. He may not have meant it, but those words stuck in my head when the girls started crying to be fed at 10:30. The guilt seed was planted. I got up, since Sean has the incredible Rip Van Winkle ability to sleep through the grunts and cries until he actually hears my voice asking for help, and grabbed the first girl. I brought her out to the kitchen and pressed "Start" on the microwave so that the mugs of water would be ready to heat the bottles when I returned. I changed her diaper in the near darkness so as not to wake the other demon and begin a symphony of shrieks in unison and then brought her back out to the living room.

The one good thing about night feedings? Catching up on all my favorite DVRed programs. Last night it was the series premiere of America's Next Top Model. It was a 2 hour episode, so even with fast-forwarding through commercials, I was pretty sure I would have something decent to watch at every feeding. The. Demon. Took. 45. Minutes. Perhaps she was distracted by Tyra's ego? It is pretty awe inspiring, after all. Either way, when the milk coma started, it was 11:15. I repeated the cycle with the next girl and crawled into bed near midnight.

Sean kissed me goodbye around 1:30. One of the demons woke up at 2. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Crawl into bed at 3. Awake at 4 in complete disbelief that either of these girls could possibly be hungry already. Do a silent recounting of past transgressions to determine which might have possibly have earned me this particular spot in hell*. Feed one girl. Feed the other. Crawl into bed near 5:30 thinking, "A half-hour is at least something, right?" Alarm goes off. Lilah starts crying at 6:15. Attempt to appease her with a binky for just another 30 minutes until Cindy, the nanny can arrive, hoping that it will buy me enough time to brush my teeth and not be undressing when she finally walks down the hallway. Just barely make it because of the constant need to reinsert the binky after repeatedly searching a 5 foot radius around Lilah to find where she could have possibly ejected it. When Cindy arrives, Lilah is screaming enough to finally wake up Charlotte. Poor Cindy.

Thus was my night.

Before you think that I am on the verge of running away to join the circus, as my dad used to tell us about my mother, there was a moment of redemption amongst the Tyra mails and yawns. As I asked Charlotte to please keep eating at one of the feedings, she turned her wide eyes to me and looked at my face as though she was memorizing every detail. I smiled and she cocked her head as though this gesture was new to her and she was really seeing me for the first time. I stopped and stared, wondering what was going on in that newly forming mind, and kissed her forehead. She kept looking at me. It was pretty sweet.

But I still need a nap.

----------------------------------------------
*I looked it up. I'm in the second circle of hell, which Wikipedia describes as:

"Second Circle (Lust): Those overcome by lust are punished in this circle. They are the first ones to be truly punished in Hell. These souls are blown about to and fro by a violent storm, without hope of rest. This symbolizes the power of lust to blow one about needlessly and aimlessly."

This makes perfect sense since lust was ostensibly what got us into this. Good to know.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

11 weeks 1 day

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There has been so much going on over the last few weeks that I'm not even sure where to start writing!


We've settled into a routine of sorts with the girls. We've gone to an on-demand feeding pattern so that the girls are actually hungry when they go to eat and will eat more, just less often. They still go 3 hours sometimes, but sometimes the heavens smile upon us and they go 5! When one girl fusses for food, the other has to eat at the same time or else we'd get into a vicious cycle of constant feeding. At night this can be tricky, though. When I'm all alone and one girl gets fussy but the other sleeps, I can feed the hungry girl, put her back to bed and then wake up the other and feed her as well. If I'm not lucky, both girls get fussy at the same time and I have to figure out a way to feed them at the same time. Either way, it can be an hour and a half of feeding before I finish, another 20 minutes if one of the girls doesn't want to fall back asleep, and then we do it all again 3 hours from the time we started. All this means that I get about 1-2 hours of straight sleep at any given time.

Luckily, our incredible niece, Darian, has come over from Sequim to help us throughout the month. She cuddles the girls, takes on the nighttime feedings with me, folds laundry, does dishes, and is just generally a huge help in getting through the day. We bought her a netbook to thank her for giving up her summer, but I think she would have done it for free just because she loves these girls so much. Plus, it gave her a chance to go to Alderwood Mall and the Marysville Outlet Mall to do her school shopping!

Sean took three weeks off vacation when both girls were finally home, but it went WAY too fast - for both of us. It's the most time we've ever been able so spend together and the most time Sean has ever been off work. I missed him so much the day he went back, and not just because I had to take every night feeding on my own.

Around the time he had to go back to work, Charlotte started getting colicky. She would start crying around 9 and nothing would get her to stop. Nothing. Sean started calling her "the velociraptor" because her 8 decibel shrieks sounded like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park in the moment before they attack. And because we'd be in the process of trying to comfort her on our chest, her tiny little lungs with the power of concert speakers would be positioned perfectly next to our eardrums. Sean already had hearing damage from the military but now it's a lost cause entirely. We'll be 80-years old and I'll be practically blind and he'll be stone-deaf and we'll look out for each other. It will be cute as long as one of us doesn't think it's funny to leave the other hanging once in awhile, which is entirely likely. I'll tell our daughters all his secrets and when he asks, I'll say, "Nothing, dear!" He'll make gestures of craziness right in front of me and when I ask he'll say, Nothing, Dear!" with an even bigger smile.

The girls are starting to show their personalities in small ways. Lilah is much more reactive to things and we call her a drama queen. She has discovered her highest octave and squeals at that pitch when she's frustrated. Charlotte is overall more patient and will just watch the world around her when she's awake. Unless she's hungry. Charlotte is always the first to let us know that she's hungry by crying uncontrollably. Lilah would probably sleep for a few more hours if we let her. Charlotte was born with more hair and Lilah still hasn't caught up, so right now that's the easiest way to tell them apart. When they have hats on is when it gets tricky.

Almost two weeks ago they were weighed at the pediatrician's office (we LOVE LOVE LOVE Dr. Dunn at Northshore Group Health) and Lilah was 6 lbs 13 oz, Charlotte was 6 lbs 11 oz. We figure they're now almost 7.5 lbs since they've been putting on an ounce a day for the last two months. They've at last grown out of their preemie outfits and into the newborn clothes!

This brings to mind one important point we've encountered: since these girls are just now getting in to newborn status, the girls are essentially newborn babies for an extra three months, and everything that goes with it. (Several feedings a night, inability to retrieve their own pacifiers, colic, etc.) Surprisingly, they are already meeting milestones expected of two-month olds, though. They clasp their own hands, follow us with their eyes, when placed on their bellies they lift their heads for more than 10 seconds, pushes with legs when on a surface, responds to loud sounds, etc. The only thing they don't do at this point is smile and laugh in response to us and I can't wait for the day they start doing that!

I go back to work the day after Labor Day and it's getting harder to think about being away from the girls for that long each day. We did finally hire a nanny and she is going to be a lifesaver. She currently works for a Learning Academy but wanted to be more one-on-one with kids and form relationships that lasted longer than the year they were in a given class. We were really hoping to find someone who wanted to be part of the family - would go to birthday parties and take joy in their achievements just like we would - and that is exactly what she was looking for as well. Her kids are all but grown, the youngest is 15, and she's eager to have babies in her arms again. I can't say that I blame her. These girls are super cute. I just hope that she doesn't get overwhelmed with the demands of these two all at once!

Ok, those are the thoughts off the top of my head. Hopefully this random series of tidbits will appease those checking the blog every day in the hopes of a new post. I'll try to do better in the future *salute*

From Charlotte and Lilah together


From Charlotte and Lilah together


From Charlotte and Lilah


From Charlotte and Lilah

Saturday, August 8, 2009

It's August already?!

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Man, the last three weeks have flown by. I've been supremely slacking in my posts, not because I don't have much to say, but because we are so busy that the day goes by before I've realized it even started. Unfortunately, this post is not going to be about the girls, it's going to be about me, so sorry if that is a disappointment. (They're doing great and will be fully blogged later)


**Warning - this entry is graphic and not for the squeamish**

About two weeks after the girls were born, I got mastitis. That's when a milk duct gets blocked and can get infected as a result. The lactation specialist gave me a series of actions I could take to clear it up: massage the blocked duct firmly, hot pack it, take lecithin supplement (it acts as a kind of lubricant for the ducts), use the ultrasonic vibrations from my SoniCare toothbrush, and keep pumping. I did all of these and eventually the big fat rock went away.

Flash forward a few weeks and a different lump showed up. This one wasn't painful, though, so I didn't put as much effort into clearing it up. I did all the recommended actions, but not as vigorously. For about three weeks it wasn't a problem...until it was. Suddenly it got really painful and I had a big red spot on my chest that I initially assumed was from all the extra hot-packing and massaging.

For two days I tried to deal with it on my own, since the last one resolved eventually, but it was getting progressively worse. I woke myself up with a shriek when I rolled over on that side in the night. Even the weight of my T-shirt on the skin gave me a stabbing pain. (Have you ever had a hangnail that gets infected and is tender and sore? Multiply that by, like, 7,000, put it in your breast and then proceed to bump it on nearly every doorway you go through simply because that's the most painful body part to bump at the moment.) I gave in and called the lactation specialist - who wasn't in. I got transferred and left voicemails and spent half a day trying to talk to someone about what I could do when I finally got a call back from the lovely midwife, Diane, who had helped us through the first months of the pregnancy (before we had to go to specialists).

Diane told me to come right in and she'd see me as soon as I arrived, possibly bringing in a doctor to take a look if needed. I so appreciated that she was the person following up! We have our niece, Darian, with us to help with the girls this month, so I left her and Sean and went to Bellevue Medical Center on my own.

By the time I arrived, I had a magenta spot on my chest the size of a lemon, and the rock hard plugged duct had a soft spot in the middle that was raised like a bee sting. She and the doctor took one look at it and said, "That looks REALLY painful." To which I replied, "It IS."

They immediately got me seen next door for an urgent ultrasound which determined that it was so infected that it had turned into an abscess. Yikes. I thought it was painful to have my T-shirt on the skin, but the ultrasound probe pushing on that spot was like a white hot knife. I teared up and braced myself and it was luckily brief. The only way to fix it was to go down to General Surgery and have a surgeon cut open the abscess and drain it.

The doctor (who I shadowed for several days when I was pre-med and who now has intimate knowledge of my breast - awkward!) prepared me with shots of Novocaine into the surrounding tissue. Injections of Novocaine hurt like a ***** on a good day and this wasn't a good day. This was a needle going multiple times into incredibly tender and inflamed tissue and sending unbelievable pain radiating throughout my body. I screamed through clenched teeth and clutched my hands together at my waist so that I wouldn't lash out and hurt him. I sobbed, like the kind of sobs that have you catching your breath several times before you can let loose with the next one. And before even a few seconds had passed, he had already cut into my skin and I could not only feel the slice of the scalpel, I could feel the pus flooding out of the incision and pouring hotly down the side of my chest. It was quite possibly the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Worse than the contractions of my freshly cut uterus after the c-section. That bad.

I was still sobbing when the doctor told me that Novocaine doesn't usually work well on infected/inflamed tissue. Thank you so much for the warning on that one, buddy. If I'd known what I know now, I would have forgone the anesthesia altogether and just had the incision done without it. The extra pain of the needle going in over and over added nothing but misery. He also said that it was about a shot glass and a half of pus, and I could expect more to drain out over the next several days since the wound would remain open.

The line at the pharmacy was extraordinarily long and I was taking deep breaths to get through the pain until I could get the meds and antibiotics and go home. I was prescribed an antibiotic that I have to take 4 times a day for 10 days - I'm a nursing mother of twins, how the hell am I supposed to remember to take this stuff when I need to? And the pain meds aren't good for nursing, so I'm going without for now. I already can't use the milk from "the bad side" until the infection is totally gone, since now that the abscess is open it could get junk into the milk, so I need all I can get. I have to pump "the bad side" and dump it in the sink, which is ever so wasteful from my perspective.

The good news is that today everything feels SO much better. My clothes don't hurt. I can lay on that side. I can bump all the doorways in the house. Yay! This was definitely an unexpected part of pregnancy that I don't want to recur. Now, no more getting cut open, right? This should be the very last time. *knock on wood* These girls better never have any health problems to make up for all we've been through already!